whenever i see a frog on a lily pad im like yeah man… thats exactly where youre supposed to be
Blunt the knives, bend the forks,
Smash the bottles and burn the corks,
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth and tread the fat,
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat,
Pour the milk on the pantry floor,
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl,
Pound them up with a thumping pole,
And when you’ve finished if any are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!
OH MY GOD
SO I LIVE NEXT TO A VERY STRICT, VERY BIG, CHRISTIAN FAMILY AND ALL OUR WINDOWS ARE OPEN AND I JUST SCREAMED “JESUS FUCK” REALLY LOUD AND I HEARD 3 MORTIFIED GASPS FROM OUTSIDE IM CRYING
And now Chris Evans with the weather. Chris?
Thank you, Chris. In other news… Odin has once again fallen into Odinsleep and the princes are, once again, throwing one of the wildest parties this side of the Nine Realms… The damage expenses are expected to be in the millions of Jotuns…
Now we’ll turn over to Jeremy Renner with Sports. Are you having fun out there, Jeremy?
Oh… okay then, thanks Jeremy for that in-depth response.
And now Robert Downey Jr with the stock report.
And now to conclude with Odin
It’s a beautiful day and Loki’s still adopted
WE FOUND IT.
WE FOUND BETELGEUSE FIVE.
Remember when we read about touchscreen and ebook before those things exist? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find myself a nice towel.
My dad would tell me that when we were little and people would say to him “wow, four daughters, that’s a lot of weddings to pay for” (because traditionally the bride’s family would pay for the wedding), my dad would respond with “well, we’re hoping at least one of them will be gay so we can split the cost with the other bride’s family”
He said people never knew how to respond